I had a massage this week. It was wonderful. But I am the kind of person, who, when leading up to an event that is meant to make me feel good, I feel guilty. And anxious. I don't know why I get like that, but I do. During the massage, I started crying! I cried because I SO needed to have a healing touch after being, quite literally, poisoned for months. It made me really, really want to get healthy. To be healthy. And to be good and loving to myself.
I am ready to get well.
My first chemo meds were so bad that I couldn't even think about doing anything, much less do anything.
But now the medicines are not quite as strong, and while my body still doesn't want to do much, my mind is busy thinking of everything that I would like to do. In my head, I am busy planting gardens, painting furniture, learning how to run, getting back into my yoga routine, making all sorts of delicious foods and making beautiful jewelry. None of that is actually happening.... But I am ready for it to!
It has been five months since I was diagnosed. It seems like yesterday, but it also seems like a million years ago. How does time work like that? I know that before I know it I will be doing the things I love again, but time feels as slow as molasses right now.
But look at these happy pictures. Such love, trust and happiness during this time. I need to remember them.