Thursday, March 28, 2013

I made it through five months!

Today was my last chemo treatment! Hooray!

I made cake to share with all the patients and nurses.
This is a celebration!

But, I have had some conflicting feelings about this moment, because although I am so, so happy, I get afraid to be really happy and hopeful because even though this part is done, I am not finished with my journey. Most of my negative feelings are based in fear. Fear that I won't get my energy back. Fear that the cancer will grow again. And fear of the upcoming surgery and recovery time.

But I do know this, I can rejoice today despite my fear. Because my feelings are not always truthful or reliable. Jesus says that The Father watches and knows the lives of the sparrow - birds that we place little value upon. He knows when even one of them falls to the ground. "Even the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows."

My fears are valid. But not needed, nor do they impart truth, in the light of this magnificent God I serve.

 Even more than that, the God I serve came to earth in a human body to trade himself for me. No strings. So even if all the cancer comes back, even if I have no energy, even if I can't handle the surgery, I have no fear of judgement or death. My penalty has been paid. He has taken my place. And the cool part is that He can walk through any storm and make it through it ALIVE.

"When the wind had driven them out for about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the water. He was approaching the boat and they were afraid. He said to them, 'I Am. Don’t be afraid.'"

So today I am rejoicing. Part of my storm is over and He has carried me through it. ALIVE.

It seems kind of fitting that it is so close to Easter weekend. I can't wait to celebrate Jesus's glorious resurrection. He has brought me with Him. I don't know why, but that is the nature of LOVE I guess.



Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading this post; the storm is almost over. I loved what you said, "My fears are valid. But not needed, nor do they impart truth, in the light of this magnificent God I serve."....

I look forward to seeing you soon.
Amber Beckham

Becoming Jane said...

This brought me to tears! I am rejoicing with you and for you. You have the strength of a warrior. He will continue to see you through. Much love and lots of prayers to you lovely lady.

Amanda Conley said...

Thank you, friends!

Courtney said...

I'm glad you've made it through the chemo; that's a huge milestone. We have lifted you up in prayer nearly every night and we will continue to do so. Courage, friend...God is big.

Amanda Conley said...

Thank you, Courtney. And, yes, He is. :)

Tracy said...

You didn't just make it through, you brought glory to Jesus every step of the way! You're a beautiful vessel of His poured out GRACE. So thankful for your heart and transparency. Much love now and in the days ahead!

Ann Hartley said...

You don't know me but I'm another metalsmith and I know your work from Etsy. I have been following your blog and I'm so amazed by your clear headedness and your strong faith. You are truly an amazing woman. I will continue to pray for you and your family!