You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me.
Life still happens even when you have cancer. Of course it would, but it seems strange to feel totally normal and then all of a sudden realize that you are not normal, and things are not normal. The world kind of seems to tip sideways in those in between moments for me. Like, to be fixing my hair to go somewhere, braiding it or drying it - just like I always do - and then have the thought that in just a short while it will be all gone. Or I will be hauling a beau-coup of kids around and doing a million things at once for them and in creeps the thought that I won't be able to do this, with this much energy, for a while - through Thanksgiving and Christmas, and beyond. And that even though I feel just fine, I am really dying. And if I don't make myself sick, I will. It's weird. They are sort of clashing thoughts that are going through my head.
Really though, I have so much to be thankful for. I don't have stage 4 cancer. I have now been diagnosed with stage 2 cancer. The biopsy results of the inguinal lymph nodes came back negative for cancer. The CT scan of my abdomen showed no abnormalities. And my echo-cardiogram showed that my heart is strong enough to withstand the treatment.
Praise the Lord!
And look at my boys. They treat me like a queen. My oldest turned 16 this past week and just going out to dinner and celebrating with family gave me such a sense of joy. I have no doubt that moments like these will continue to happen whether I feel sick or not.
Even with cancer, I can truly say that I am a blessed woman.
So ,what is next?
This week I have been finishing up a myriad of tests that need to be done before I start treatment, and I am wrapping up things around the house. I would like to think that I could organize everything perfectly so that I can take time off and things will stay in their places. Yes, I am completely dreaming. Still, I am battling a perceived need to get everything ready.
I did finally finish the last commission that I will probably do for some time, two pairs of hinged hoop earrings. Remember this tutorial on ear wire hinges I did a while ago? These are pretty much the same thing. I love them and think they are a nice end to my work for the time being.
Next Monday, I will have a minor surgery to put a port in my chest so that they will be able to access a vein with out pricking me a gazillion times, which they have already done these past weeks. I can't say that it is awesome to be a pincushion.
Then next Thursday, I will begin chemotherapy. It will be 8 treatments, each two weeks apart. So, that is four months. But it sounds better when I say 8 treatments.
Already, friends have been bringing me meals so that I can just focus on all the doctor's appointments and whatnot going on. I am sooo thankful for those meals. I have had tons of people ask how they can help, and I am blessed with a dear, dear friend who set up this meal-train for me so that meals can easily be organized. If you are one of the people who wanted to help, this might be something that you could do, especially after the chemo starts. Click here for the link.
And again, thank you all for loving me so well. Thank you for your comments, your encouragements, your stories and most especially your prayers.
Until next time...