Laugh Riot

Reader's Digest just put out their "Laugh Riot" issue which features several of the worlds favorite funnies like Alan Alda, Ben Stiller and Kelsey Grammer. I thought I would just post some of my favorite lines from funny stand-up comics.

Image from flickr.

"Have you seen the deer heads
on the walls of bars,
the ones wearing party hats,
sunglasses and streamers?
I feel sorry for them because
obviously they were at a party
having a good time..."
Ellen DeGeneres

"I constantly walk into a room
and I don't remember why. But
for some reason, I think there's
going to be a clue in the fridge."
Caroline Rhea

"So they're showing me, on
television, the detergents
getting out bloodstains.
I mean, come on, you got a
T-shirt with a bloodstain
all over it. Maybe laundry
isn't your biggest problem
right now."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Why are women wearing perfumes
that smell like flowers to
attract men? Men don't like
flowers. I wear a scent called
'new-car interior.'"
Rita Rudner

"When I was in London, I went
to buy some chocolates. The
cashier was like, 'That will
be ten pounds.' I'm like,
'Rub it in, why don't you?'"
Carol Leifer