Please see color right now.

I am white. I was raised to believe that there was no difference between white people and black people. I thought that we shouldn't see color. I tried not to see color. But it isn't possible. We need to stop saying that we don't see color, white people. Because our mouths might say that but our actions do NOT say that. This week we have seen the fatal shootings of two black men, Alton Sterling and Philando Castille. 

The country is in an uproar and it is too late to stand up for injustice toward them and COUNTLESS others just like them. But it isn't too late to stand up for other black people who are still alive and living in confusion and fear. 

When I say "Black lives matter" I don't mean that anyone's life DOESN'T matter. Just as when I say that I hate cancer, I don't mean that I love all the other diseases instead. Or better yet, when I was grieving about having breast cancer, if I had said to you "I hate breast cancer." And you said to me,"well, lots of people have cancer and I hate cancer." I would have been hurt by your callousness because instead of looking at me as an individual and seeing my specific hurt, your statement would have been dismissing me and lumping me in with a crowd. 

I get it. It's a protective maneuver in some ways. Acknowledge so much hurt as a general whole, feel helpless about it and so say "Oh well, there is nothing I can do. It's too big for me." 

But when I had cancer, I needed people to look me in my eyes and cry with me and say "I hate YOUR KIND OF CANCER. BREAST CANCER. I hate THAT KIND for YOU. Specifically FOR YOU."

People, there is a SPECIFIC group of people hurting, grieving, angry, confused, and afraid. 

We need to be telling those SPECIFIC people that their lives matter. Don't lump their lives into other groups of lives. We all get it. Lives matter. Right now though, BLACK lives matter. 

If your son or daughter was bullied and felt like their life didn't matter, would you tell them to quit whining because if you are alive, bully or bullied, your life matters? Even if you are a mediocre parent, I would wager to bet that NO YOU WOULD NOT! You would tell them, "YOU matter! YOU MATTER TO ME! I see your hurt and I'm telling you that if anything happened to you, it would hurt me DEEPLY. YOU MATTER.

Friends, let's look at our black brothers and sisters. Not lumped into a people group with no color, but let's see them for who they are. Hurt people who have beautiful dark skin, and have the same souls as anyone else. We all know that. But let's say it. Let's do MORE than that. 

Let's speak up and try to change the minds of those who stick their heads in the sand so they won't have to feel.

Let's stand up and say "This is WRONG."

Let's pick up our phones and call those who represent us and beg them to take this issue seriously in our government. (Visit Openstate.org to find your representatives.)

Let's get out of our safe zones and hug someone who might personally feel this hurt. 

Let's look at individuals who are black, in the eyes, and tell them that we love them and that we are sorry. That we are sorry for not doing it sooner. For not seeing their color. For not recognizing their pain and their fear. For not walking with them through it. 

I just can't watch this any longer without speaking up. 

Also, about Dallas, I am so so sad. I don't want to dismiss it at all. I am sad for the police officers who were injured and killed and for their families. That shouldn't have happened. There is nothing to say that can brighten the darkness of this week in America. And personally I think we need to sit in this darkness and think about the state of our hearts before we open our eyes again. And when we do, let's target our love towards our black brothers and sisters. Let's target our love towards our black police men and women - who are feeling DOUBLE the hurt. Let's target our love towards the people in the police force who take their vows seriously to serve and protect the lives in their community. 

Don't make excuses.

Don't place blame if you are not willing to place it on yourself. 

Do make a stand.

Do make a call.

Do teach your children.

Do pray and pray and pray. 

To my black friends and my black nephew: God sees your color. He saw it when He made you and he made you in His image. And He looked at you and loved you and said OUT LOUD that his beautiful creation was  "VERY good."

Feelings...nothing more than feelings...

    I haven't been able to sleep much. Deadlines have a way of doing that to me. And this deadline comes with all of the feelings. All of them.

    I am so excited to move across the country. I've never lived anywhere but here; almost four DECADES of living in ONE town. And my excitement of doing something new - a new journey that isn't sickness(!!) - has been keeping me going. That is what is cleaning out the garage. That is what is getting rid of three quarters of my stuff so that the other fourth will fit on the truck. That is what tapes box after box and fills each one up. That is what has peeled my eyelids back when I hear "Mom!!!" every morning and I know there is no "Dad!" for three whole months to take over when I am weary.

   There is so much good happening, I can't even fully believe it. Like, ME? I never asked "why me" when I got cancer because I always thought that if it has to be someone, why NOT me. But now all this goodness - a job that my husband LOVES, a rental house on the water that is truly braggable, a city that seems right up my ally, kids that are willing and excited - is making me wonder "why me?" Well, why NOT me?!

    As I get nearer to the finish line, though, I am allowing myself brief moments to reflect on this place and these people. I can't do it for long because once the dam breaks it will gush for hours and I'm not ready for that yet.

    This place could be any place. Don't get me wrong, I love my city. It is a lovable city. I'm food spoiled. I'm music spoiled. I'm beauty spoiled. But the PEOPLE. MY people. That is what makes this hurt so bad. 

   You, friends. You, family. I love you. You cannot be replaced. When I only had one child, I often wondered if I had room in me to love two. Now that I have four, I know that you don't run out of room for love. It grows and grows and you DON'T LOSE ANYBODY in all that love. It seems like someone might get covered over; buried in other loves for people who aren't them. But it doesn't happen. Each one of you, whom I love, is permanent. Etched. You have changed me and taken a piece of me. And I have a matching piece of you.

   So, this morning, my sadness of missing you is tempered by just thought of you. I think of you, my loved ones, all of the time. I think about your individual qualities - your laugh, your smile, your wise advice, your enveloping hug, your constant "thereness," your silly stories, your fun perspective, your grounding presence, your encouraging word- and those thoughts of you keep the sadness at bay (for now.)
 ...Because I know that I have hit the JACKPOT on people who love me back. There are times I wonder "why me?" But I'm really glad to be able to say "why NOT me?"

Why, as a Christian, I am voting for Bernie Sanders

I have been asked to give a defense of myself because of my political opinions. I have been accused of being too sensitive to critique, being afraid of judgement, for associating with sinners, for grumbling, for being ungrateful, for not having the worldview of a Christian and of building my identity based on what others think of me.

None of these things will I defend, because you can't verbally prove that your character isn't what a person who wants to assassinate your character, claims it is. The only way to prove that, is to live. And while I am not a perfect person, I do believe that my actions have lined up with who I say I am - a person who follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. And I am fully prepared to stand in front of HIS judgment seat and give a full account. Because I know that to the things I have done wrong, he will say "I have paid for this already with my own body and my own blood," and the rest - the things I have done right - I will hear: "well done, good and faithful servant."

So, moving on from defending myself in that way, I will tell you what I see in Bernie Sanders that makes me see Jesus.

I keep hearing about "a socialist utopia." I am not championing that at all. And neither is Senator Sanders. Let us just tear that phrase apart to analyze it for a minute. Sanders is not proposing a "socialist" government at all. That word is pretty sticky - which is why it has been thrown at him and has stuck. While he does advocate expanding some social programs (and in that sense he can certainly be described as socialistic,) he DOES NOT want to tear down our democracy! People are afraid, because we have seen in history how a socialistic government has turned into a dictatorship and led to "state capitalism" rather than capitalism for the people. 

However, in our country, a form of this "state capitalism" is already occurring, only it isn't the state, per say, it is the large corporations, Wall Street, and the Fed that are "pooling their resources" to create, not a democracy of the people, but in essence, an oligarchy. It is an unbalanced system that takes away freedoms of the masses and puts money in control of just the few.

Sanders simply wants to allocate our money in a way that does the MOST for the MOST. He is not going to steal your money and go buy a bunch of people trips to Disney World and vacation yachts. But I believe that he does want to make sure that people who have enough power to be able hide their funds in off shore accounts and tax shelters to avoid paying taxes, will be held to account. He wants to hold Wall Street to account. He wants to hold the Fed to account.  He wants to put the power back in the hands of the people by making sure that people who don't have healthcare can get taken care of and so that people who don't have access to education, can be educated. 

I have experience in the healthcare issue, because I would be dead right now if it were not for the United States government. Let me restate that: I would be DEAD. Lucky for me, the government footed the entire bill for my breast cancer. If they had not, I would not have even begun to be able to afford my care. I am blessed that in Tennessee, if a woman gets breast or ovarian cancer, she can qualify for government aid. I spent some time feeling SO grateful that I had breast cancer instead of brain cancer. Or lung cancer. Or uterine cancer. Or any other awful disease that required hundreds of thousands of dollars to treat. My heart bleeds for those who have to go down that road, feeling as if their life isn't worthy enough to their country, to save. 

Will Bernie's system work? I have no idea. There is so much evil everywhere, that even the most honorable intentions can be bent. But I believe that it is better to risk things because of love and the right thing to do, rather than hold to a system that is known to be wrong and unfair just because we have gotten comfortable there.

Next, let's look at the word "utopia." As a Christian, I do believe that utopia will happen, but only when Christ comes back to rule; because I have not ever seen a politician or a religious leader nor anyone else that has a perfect system. There is NOT a perfect system on earth. BUT that does NOT mean that we can just close our eyes, bury our money and possessions under our feet and continue to claim that since we worked hard, what we got,  we get to keep, even IF there are people in need. I mean, it is the needy's own fault right? And we did everything right.

This brings me back to who Christ is and what he says. 

"If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.

Give to him who asks you and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you..... For He causes His sun to rise on the evil AND the good, and send rain on the righteous and the unrighteousness." Matthew 5:40-45

   One of the arguments that I have heard from Christians is that they don't want to be forced to give. They would like to allocate their money where they think it will do the most good. I completely understand that. One hundred percent. When I earn money and want to help someone with it, I want to know that it is doing what I intended. I also have skin in the game. However, Jesus doesn't say that here. In fact, he says quite the opposite. If you go on in this passage, he says "when you give to poor, do not sound a trumpet before you.....but when you give, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." (Matt. 6:2,3)

For many years, I thought this just meant not to brag about your generosity. And I am sure that this is part of it. However, like most of His words, they go much deeper than that. I believe he saying that we can't control our giving based on what we think and our own judgments. We give with one hand - and it isn't for our other hand to decide what is done with the gift once it has left our hands. At that point, God is in control. Give when you want, give when you don't want, give when you are forced. And don't try to control it. It is up to God, simple as that.

I want to look at just one more passage. This is the story that Jesus tells to explain the kingdom of heaven. But, like all of His stories, there are so many layers.

It begins with a land owner searching for workers to hire. He finds a few in the morning and offers them a day's wages. They agree and set to work.

Mid morning, he finds that he needs more workers, so he rounds up some more who are willing and they also agree to work for a day's wage. This happens again later in the day, and then even later in the day, still. All are offered the same wage regardless of how long they worked.

At the end of the work day when the wages are given, the workers who had been there longer, grumble and complain because they feel that the others should be owed less since they didn't work as long.

The field owner says, "Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a day's wages?

Take what is yours and go, but I wish to give this last man the same as you."

Now, this story is given to explain that you can live "righteously" your entire life or you can live "in sin" your entire life, but the moment you decide you want to identify with the person who paid for you - then you are paid for. That is IT. No one gets a better reward or gets into a more heavenly kingdom. We are all on the same playing field when it comes to the Creator and Redeemer of the Universe.

How does this apply to Bernie Sanders you ask? Simply this: the grumbling that I have heard coming from people who claim Jesus as their own about giving up money that they work hard for and earned (which, I am sure is true!) has been truly concerning to me. If we believe that God gave us money because we worked hard, how can we not trust him to give us enough when we have to give what we earned away?

Let me be clear in saying that I do NOT believe that Bernie Sanders wants to take away all of our hard earned money. But using many people's argument that they earned and so should keep - and then basing that on Jesus - is quite as offensive to me as the thought that you may have about losing your wealth.

I have also been accused of aiding the murder of babies. I don't really want to get into a discussion of abortion, as my friends and family ALL know that I hold life in the HIGHEST of regard. I have said it and said it and said it. I am pro- life.

When it comes to choosing a politician who supports life, I have to acknowledge that there is death all around. And there is lack of support of life ALL AROUND. Therefore, with careful consideration, I have, at this point and for these next four years, chosen to throw my hat in the ring with someone who does not see eye to eye with me on the life of an unborn child. This does make me sad in that I have first hand experience with life growing in my body - several times over. I have seen perfectly formed humans the size of my thumb. I believe that once those cells begin dividing, it is something other than what it was - life, right from the start. Just as I know that, oppositely, when unhealthy cells start dividing it is cancer right from the start. 

But I also know that there are people who are alive and walking around and breathing air and taking care of families who have had politicians swear that they will kill them because their family members may attack us. I have heard politicians promise to torture human beings. I have heard politicians, in their desire to make sure we are comfy, deny the rights of immigration to a place that may have better opportunities. They are denying the rights of people to be treated for deathly illnesses. They are marginalizing the rights and equality of those who don't fit their chosen demographic. And I feel that it is time to choose to stand up for these other groups of people who also do not have a voice. I wish that we could stand up for all life, all at once. But these are the days and hands we have been dealt. 

I feel as though I could go on, but I will step off the stage.

This all comes down to one thing. My conscience is clear. 

I have done my research.

You do yours.

I will not question anyone's character for the way you wish to vote this election season. The season is volatile and lends itself to passionate discourse. And I do hope that it doesn't create enemies as times like this are wont to do.  

I am also asking that you would refrain from negative comments about me or anyone else personally if you feel the need to challenge. I may not answer you back because I have said what I need to say and I am not up for a debate. But as I have said, you may hold a different opinion than mine, and I am fine with that.

We all do what we can. And we are even in the eyes of God because he already evened the field for each one of us.

Thank you for reading with an open mind and heart.

"Render the things that are Caesar's to Caesar and render the things that are God's to God." ~Jesus Christ, Matthew 21:22

Finishing Fever

I think that this must happen every school year. We always set good intentions for "finishing strong," but what if finishing strong doesn't mean what I think it means? What if it means just "finishing after a long time of doing something and now we are not going to do it anymore because we have done enough"?

In August we all rose at a decent hour to get breakfast on the table. We started our school work in a religious, timely, SCHEDULED manner. We had every intention of working through entire workbooks and of learning everything there is to know about each subject we had chosen for the year.

{So neat.}

Looking back, I admire us. I also shake my head and click my tongue and think "bless their hearts. Such good intentions."

I have spent the months after wrangling everything back on schedule, fretting about the slowness of our "workbook-working" and agonizing over the responsibility of getting them through this year with more developed brains and habits.

Our early morning breakfasts are now creeping towards "brunch." The kid's reasonable bedtimes are inching into the VERY dark hours. A few subjects have been literally lost for weeks (I mean - where is that workbook? And HOW much did you say those library fines were?)

We are sliding into home base with mud on our pants and we also may have skipped third.

{Neat? At least it is in a basket.}

And NOW spring has sprung. The "finishing" urgency is still stalking my brain - but I can't hear it because FLOWERS! SUNSHINE! SPRING SHOWERS! CAMPING!

My fingers are in my teacher brain's ears and I'm singing "lalalalalalala!" As loud as I can.

Who cares if a chapter or ... four chapters go undone? I'm sure we will review next year. 

Actually, I am becoming increasingly confident that if I teach my kids about Google, then we can just quit school all together. (I'm kidding, Mom.)

 (but not really.)

So my point is: we ARE finishing strong. We are strong in vitamin D. We are strong in friendships. We are strong in loving each other. And we actually HAVE learned some stuff. Really great smart-people stuff.

And when school is over in May, we will be able to say that we didn't waste the glorious Spring that God provided.

So now I just have to convince my other loudmouth minds that this is the new "finishing strong."

I think I can do it.

......Lalalalalalalalalalalala......

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time..." 

Ecclesiastes 4:8

The Diary of the Evolution of a Miniature Silver Leaf

I make tiny silver foliage a lot. And I thought that it might be nice to show you how many steps it takes to create one of these dainty little leaves.

Most of my smaller leaves start out as round wire. I hammer it flat and saw out the leaf from the flattened wire. I prefer this method over cutting the leaf out of flat sheet silver because the hammered wire is not the exact same thickness all the way across. The varied thickness tends to give the finished leaf a more realistic and organic look.

The next step is to file the shape. I use a sanding disc on the flex shaft to refine, and after that, a small hand file to refine it a bit more and round off the edges. Final sanding comes later.

After the shape is perfected, it is time to chase in the veins. I made a mark-making tool, by filing and rounding an old steel screwdriver. I use this to hammer the lines.

Now it looks like a leaf! But it still isn't finished. If I am going to solder it on a ring (these tiny ones usually go on rings,) I want to curve the leaf slightly so that it hugs the ring band. I use this dapping block (below) to accomplish that.

Then I solder it onto the ring.

After pickling (an acidic solution that removes flux scale and oxidation,)

 it is ready to patina, sand and polish!

Done!

Open eyes

Ok. I admit it. Sometimes I don't want to be thankful. I don't what to do what is good for me and I don't want to do what's right.

I want to keep my frowny face on. It doesn't feel good, but it does. 

Why?

It is the pull. The drowning is sometimes easier. 

Until I kick just a bit. And rise to the surface.

And breathe.

And look around me.

Acknowledge the grace.

Then I feel better. So many riches.

Where are the scissors?

"I want to do work!" She demands.

"I don't want to do this." He mumbles.

"You took my pencil!" Accuses the older one.

And I,  I am yelling loudly saying over all the rest of the noise, "Where are the scissors? We can't do this without scissors!" 

"I'm still hungry!"

"That's mine!"

"Do we have to listen to you reeead today?"

"Can we go outside?"

The workbook cover is falling off. We shove our dirty breakfast bowls to the side and don't mind the dollops of sticky oatmeal that are coving the table as we place our precious schoolwork right on top of them. 

I am sipping my tea in between quotes of directions from right off their page where they could read it themselves, and helping doing the preschool work myself.

Homeschool isn't pretty.

It can be amazing. Beautiful even. But never pretty. In fact it is downright messy.

There are those mornings when I think "everyone else is making this happen and here I am standing on onion skins that fell on the floor last night, stirring oatmeal in a pot that is too small while behind me a little hand keeps reaching up to steal the pieces of fruit (that I have laboriously chopped for everyone's hot cereal.) And I wish I was still in bed breathing in my own carbon dioxide with my head fixed tightly beneath the covers."

But honestly, I think if I weren't homeschooling, I would find life messy too. It just is. Even the most organized among us, in their most truthful moments will recognize that when you are living, you don't always have time to make it pretty. And the messy can be oh, so beautiful and perfectly right and alright. Right?

It is beautiful because they wanted to help make the dinner, and slice the onions and garlic and slowly sauté it until the caramel color rose around the edges.

They are learning how to wash the dishes. They are still dirty sometimes. But they persevere.

One wanted to learn how to carve with his pocket knife, and when he got his first finger cut, he held a brave face and announced that he knew what he did wrong and that he would do it differently next time.

She is learning to cut on the lines. She walks off with the scissors, but when I look down at her work amidst tiny pieces of white paper that are scattered and strewn from the bench to her room, I find a perfectly cut square fit right into place with glue.

He's been learning to manage his time. It's hard - even for an adult to learn. And he has had to pay the consequences. But then he spends his precious spare time finally crafting the perfect thing that will satisfy the demands.

And Little Boy, who has struggled so much to make the letters line up for him the way they do for everyone else,  is quietly and persistently plugging through a book that has lots of words. And big ones, too. He doesn't always want to continue, but then he comes to that part that makes him chuckle, or to the thing that makes him turn sad brown eyes to me and ask why that had to be. He is becoming emotionally invested.
And it has been a messy ride.
But these things, are beautiful.

So, I am saying to myself as we work in our routine, "Don't focus on the temporal. Keep your eyes on the eternal."

Winter is just a season. And the time that I school these chaotic kids will flash by like a twinkle in a star; but where I direct their hearts, like an arrow aimed on a bowstring, is what will last. 

It doesn't need to be pretty.
But it is definitely going to be amazingly beautiful.

Finding Christmas

I have moved houses and somewhere in the changing and the endings and the beginnings, I seem to have forgotten how to relax.

Resting.

It is a constant struggle for me. My mind likes to go, go, go. My body feels it needs to follow - if I am able.

With as much as I know that this performing doesn't fulfill me, still I try to make something out of everything. I work and work - to make sure the kids know everything I have listed out for them to know, to create revenue for the family, to turn Christmas into a THING, making positive that everyone has enough from myself - who many times thinks she may be able to create more than she is.

I am sitting here on the couch alone, pondering why I do this to myself. And I am meditating on the words in my advent book*:
"Christmas can only be found. Christmas cannot be bought. Christmas cannot be created. Christmas cannot be made by hand, lit up, set out, dreamed up. Christmas can only be found...  

 That is the message of Christmas. The message of Christmas is not that we can make peace. Or that we can make love, make light, make gifts, or make this world save itself. 

The message of Christmas is that this world's a mess and we can never save ourselves from ourselves and we need a Messiah.

For unto us a child is born.

...True, you cannot light Christmas, because it is Christmas that lights you."

As I attempt to rest and reflect today, I am hoping to let the "musts" go, and sit still enough that I might find Christmas. Or better yet, that Christmas will find me.

And I wish the same for you all. May you find rest in the certainty that Jesus Christ has provided everything that you ever have needed and ever will need. Merry Christmas!

On those living in a pitch dark land, a light has dawned.

A child is born to us, a son is given to us,

And authority will be on His shoulders.

He will be named Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Eternal Father,

Prince of Peace.

~Isaiah 9: 2, 6

*book passage from The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

Provision

I was pining for a snow day today. Not the one we got, with a threadbare sheet's depth of flakes scattered here and there and the city's school buses still functional on the ever gripping roads, but a no-school day. I wanted a "the car won't even start" day. A "there is so much snow that cold crystals floated down the chimney and into the room" day.

You are probably thinking "But, don't you HOMEschool?"

Yes. Yes I do. But I follow the metro school schedule because, 1.) my oldest is still in traditional school, and 2.) because their days off give me permission to take a day off. And that feels nice. My personality needs permission sometimes.

Today, I thought that God should have provided me with a day off. I'm tired. It's cloudy. I worked this weekend and haven't had much downtime lately.

But he didn't. Not in the sense my soul demanded.

Which got me thinking some more about His provision in general. I have been chewing on this for a long time.

The first thing the snake said to Eve in the Garden of Eden was "Did God really say not to eat of ANY tree in the garden?"

He preyed on her fear that God would not provide for her.

It's a fear that I think is common. At least it is a fear that has often haunted me.

There have been so many times when I felt like I didn't have enough.
 Never enough money, never enough energy, never enough time, patience, peace, security, sleep...

I could go on and on. 

But when I step back to see if these feelings really reflect the truth, I can see that the feelings are only fears of the future or regrets of the past - and they are not the reality at all.

The truth is that God has has always provided everything that I have needed. I have been poor, but always had enough food. I have been tired, but have always made it to the end of the day. I have been sick but I have always continued to live. I have been grieved but have always re-found joy. I have been at my wit's end and then discovered that it wasn't the end at all. Sometimes the end of me is just the very very beginning of God. And I go on.

I have begun asking myself "Right NOW, am I ok?"

Almost always, the answer is "yes."

This moment is where God is present. Along with all of His provision. It blows my mind - because it is never what was on my mind. But it is real. Real-er than. Providing what I need most each moment.

THIS moment.

So today, we are doing school. And I am trusting that it will be good timing despite my insufficient funds in vigor. The kids are happy. I am grateful for the blessings around me regardless of my exhaustion. The learning, laughing, eating, discovering, playing and loving (and perhaps a bit of bickering and complaining in the mix.)

In this moment I am abundantly provided for.

"Look at the birds in the sky. They don’t sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than they are?" ~Matthew 6:26 

Women Rock

There is more to healing than just the physical.

I have had so many wonderful empathetic ears that I had no idea how healing sympathetic ears could be also.

Picture walking into a 60 degree lodge full of women who are willing to freeze half the time just to get relief from the either occasional or frequent flashes of blazing fire in their bodies from chemical or surgical menopause. 

This is where I have been for four days this past weekend: a young breast cancer survivor's retreat with Women Rock for the Cure.

The retreat staff wheeled in our belongings for the weekend for us. But we were all carrying unseen luggage as well. Many of us had been carrying it all alone for too long of a time.

Laughing

Crying

Identifying

Celebrating each woman - all shapes, temperaments, personalities, colors, interests - but ALL living, with still beautiful bodies and even more beautiful souls.

It wasn't like a band aid that just makes you feel a little better about the deep and painful gash because you can't see it anymore and you know it is somewhat protected from the elements.

No, it was a vitamin that enters deep into your body and strengthens everything to promote miraculous, true healing.

We NEED each other.

Hearing - "no, I totally get it."

"Yes, me too"

"I'm afraid as well"

"Uh huh"

"Exactly!" -

Makes a person who didn't know they felt alone, really feel NOT ALONE.

If only I could verbalized the weight of the impact of a group of women who are all so unique, but each one with a body that tried to kill them - IS trying to kill them - and celebrating that it hasn't worked yet. 

In this moment - we are alive. 

Joyous.

Celebration. Of living.

Because only when we recognize the importance of living - the amazing-ness of it - can our souls begin to find healing.

If we don't know that we need it, we might not find it.

And sometimes it takes looking outside of ourselves. We look outside ourselves and it finds us.

Identifying.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

                       ~King Solomon

"In this world, you WILL have trouble. But take heart - I have overcome the world."

                       ~Jesus of Nazereth